The Herald Bulletin, Anderson, Indiana

• Brett Favre — Dude, please. Get a hobby. You've said goodbye, what, twice now? How can we miss you if you won't leave?

• The Rev. Jesse Jackson — Jesse, I am second to no one in admiration your service to the cause of civil rights. But evidently you flunked diplomacy. You had your shot at the White House. Don't begrudge Barack Obama his.

• Heidi Fleiss — Another run-in with the law, honey? Was it unintentional, or did you just want to remind the public you're still Heidi Fleiss the Hollywood Madam?

• Larry Russell and Teddy Bohnenkamp — Not having a job stinks, doesn't it, my friends? Why don't you find something more productive to do? In the private sector?